Grateful

Last night at 4:00 am, shortly after William had weaseled his way into our bed and snuggled comfortably in between us, Tyler got up to use the bathroom. I assume that William is asleep and wait for the bathroom lights to go out before I resume my sleep. Then I hear this perfectly awake voice.

William: "Mommy, Daddy peeing".
I think about ignoring him so that he will think that I am asleep but I cant resist his adorably innocent and completely inquisitive voice.
Beth: "Yes William, daddy is peeing".
William: "Daddy flush ed the toilet".
Beth: "Yes William Daddy flushed the toilet, now go to sleep please".

I gave William a kiss and then lay in bed a long time thinking about how grateful I am and wondering if he was really going to sleep, which he did. We are reading books about potties and bribing William everyday to pee on the potty for a jelly bean. So far no success but as you can see there is a lot of interest in the potty.

Its so funny being a parent and how just two sentences in the middle of, well, the morning, can actually make me smile and be so grateful for this little man and his personality that is growing and learning so much everyday.

Last night I watched a program on Discovery Health, about autism. (I probably shouldn't be allowed to watch Discovery Health because it makes me so paranoid.) The program said that 1 in every 150 children born has autism. I can't even believe it, I mean I don't really know that many people with autism, do I? The more I thought about it, those odds are horrible, really horrible.

This mother on the program had 4 children and her youngest had autism. She seemed like a normal mom, living in a nice but modest home, living an average life. She got her son involved in speech therapy, occupational therapy, one on one special play therapy and even oxygen therapy where her and her son lie in an oxygen chamber for a couple of hours a week. She accompanied her son to all of these therapies and was involved during hours of appointments daily for him.

She cried when she said that he, a 3 year-old, had never played peek-a-boo. The little boy doesn't respond to his name or look into his mothers eyes. The mother said when he was very young, he would wake up in the middle of the night laughing and that is when she knew that something was terribly wrong. My heart really went out to this women and other parents I personally know who have children with autism. I cant imagine not being able to connect with William, through looks and cuddles and now words.

I told Tyler a long time ago, before we ever had William, that I wanted to be grateful for my life, myself and the things I have not because I notice someone else's lack thereof, but because I truly love what I have. I feel like if we are only or most often grateful when we see the lack in others lives then the opposite happens too, that we feel envious or jealous or treated unfairly when we perceive that others have more, or are happier than us. As I watched the program last night I was reminded of the goal I had set so long ago. The truth is I am grateful for William everyday and seeing these children with autism didn't make me more grateful for him but increased my gratitude of his health. I think however, that William maybe the only part of my life that I am almost always grateful for. I remembered last night as I heard this mothers sorrows, that I need to be grateful for all I have not because she has less compared to me but because I have everything important that I ever wanted.